unfinished story - alex

[aidan cooper]

Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness
___________

fuck… this was not good, this was terrible, utterly terrible. He didn’t get attached to people like this and there was a reason. He knew better then that. He couldn’t trust anyone like that, certainly not someone he had met not to long ago and didn’t even know that well. It was a ridiculous notion, liking him, falling for him, kissing him like that. He shouldn’t have done that. He needed to do some damage control. Before one or both of them was completely fucked over.

It was fun, but it had to stop, it really had to stop. Aidan would be damned if he was going to let himself get hurt again. he had been fucked over enough already in this life, no way was he going to fall for someone else and have it bite him in the ass. No way. It wasn’t like this was real anyway. Alex probably said all sorts of pretty words to all sorts of people.

It didn’t even enter his mind that perhaps Alex was really telling the truth. Perhaps somewhere deep down he knew Alex wasn’t lying or fooling him. Perhaps somewhere deep down he knew that Alex was telling him the truth. But had he actively considered that option, it would make all this so much harder. So he stuck to his illusion, that Alex was only messing with him. The boy was talking again and he looked so sad, so broken up and there wad a pain in Aidan’s chest. fuck this was bad. But panic was now the main component of Aidan’s emotions.

“I don’t know,” he said, his voice high. Damn he was so upset by this, he really needed to be alone, he needed to write, something. He had to get Alex out of this caravan, away from him, something. The kid was crying though and Aidan felt like there was something in him breaking to. “Because I was high, because I was an idiot, I didn’t know what I was thinking and you were just so fucking warm.” shit he shouldn’t have said that… there was something of truth and real emotion hidden in that statement. “So I was an idiot, but this is my band’s caravan and you really need to get out now!” he wasn’t really shouting but his voice wasn’t quiet. He was standing up and he was sure he looked just as broken as Alex did, minus the tears. He felt angry and upset, sad and betrayed and vaguely like he was missing something big.

God he hated this… he just needed Alex out, he needed to throw something, cry, he didn’t know what, but he had to get Alex out.

[alex midnight]

Tell me why I feel so alone…
___________

All of this was really breaking Alex apart, he didnt know what to think. He really shouldnt have got himself into this. He really thought it would all be okay. Alex felt like hitting himself because he actually thought he woudlnt get hurt again, but of course he did, like always.

Alex figured that it didnt even register in Aidan's mind that Alex was telling him the truth, that everything Alex said last night was true. Alex knew he thought it was all a lie, and that Alex was just fucking with Aidan. But Alex wasnt, and thats what made it worse, that Aidan couldnt even think that he was telling the truth.

Aidan was still panicing, really bad. “I don’t know,” he said, his voice rather high. “Because I was high, because I was an idiot, I didn’t know what I was thinking and you were just so fucking warm.” he told Alex, and he knew that as soon as he said it he regretted it. “So I was an idiot, but this is my band’s caravan and you really need to get out now!” he said, standing up in front of Alex, still panicing.

Alex decided he would just leave, fuck it. It was just all messed up, Alex literally felt like punching something, hurting someone. Maybe even hurting himself, he didnt know. Did it really matter? No one cared, no one would care.

More tears ran down his face, Alex stood up, grabbed his shirt, put it on, and walked oput of the caravan, slamming the door behind him. As he got outside, he didnt even look back, he wipped at his eyes, and walked away from the caravan. Into the streets, trying to find somewhere to go. What to do.