aidan cooper
bass [/size][/font]
Music is what feelings sound like
Posts: 144
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Post by aidan cooper on May 21, 2008 17:56:19 GMT -5
If he was crushing on the boy… well how bad could that really be. The answer of course, was truly terrible indeed. It could be awful. You let someone into your heart like that and then they had every opportunity and every likelihood to mess it all up, rip your chest open, tear your heart to shreds. Then you’re left cold and lonely and empty with nothing, absolutely nothing. Nothing except the memories and the pain and Aidan had enough of those. He didn’t want to invite anymore upon himself.
So tomorrow he would convince himself that it was all because of the drugs, on his part and on Alex’s part. They were high and weird, maybe horny, but not enough to fuck and Aidan would write it off like that and forget. Well he wouldn’t forget entirely of course, he had a habit of remembering things, especially the few good things. This was certainly very good. But he wouldn’t read into it, wouldn’t analyze it and any real feelings he may have for the boy would be buried under layers of denial and fear.
That was called survival.
Then Alex’s shirt was off and Aidan nodded enthusiastically to the question. “Much better,” he said, his voice tainted with laughter. He band would have loved to see him like this, he never got so carefree and happy and silly. Only high, only with Alex. He brought his hands to Alex’s front and sort of bit on his bottom lip like he was concentrating or trying not to laugh. Then Alex was nibbling on his ear and Aidan’s hands traveled up and down the boy’s back again, like he was mapping every little dip and crevice and detail. He still had this giggle in his throat.
Then he got an idea and used one hand to move the boy’s head a bit, so they were facing each other more straight on and this time Aidan kissed him. He shut his eyes after a moment, his tongue darting out to see if Alex would go for that, feeling just happy and wired and nice.
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Post by alex midnight on May 21, 2008 18:13:00 GMT -5
Alex had this feeling that Aidan was going to act like all of this never happened, he wished he could read his thoughts to see what Aidan really felt about what all was going on. He really hoped he would forget or act like this never happened, he wished it would happen again, but when they werent high, so Alex would know it was real, not just because they were high. Alex hoped it would all be fine in the morning, because he was sick of being used, rejected, as if he didn't matter. He has had to go through his whole life like that, and he didnt want to be rejected by this boy, he really liked him. But just wished he knew if Aidan felt the same for him. “Much better,” Aidan said, answering Alex's question if it was better that his shirt was off. Aidan brought his hands to Alex’s front, and bit his lip, trying not to laugh. Alex began to nibble on his ear, and Aidan’s hands traveled up and down Alex's back again. Aidan was still giggling. Aidan brought his hand up, moving Alex's head so they were faceing eachother, and Aidan took Alex's lips within his, sticking his tounge into Alex's mouth, he allowed it. There tounges dancing. |
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aidan cooper
bass [/size][/font]
Music is what feelings sound like
Posts: 144
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Post by aidan cooper on May 21, 2008 18:23:56 GMT -5
Aidan was scared, desperately scared, of this being real and meaning something. He wouldn’t know how to react, he really wouldn’t. It would be strange and awkward for him, He was shitty with emotional connections and he was sued to being used, screwed over, tossed out and forgotten like so much trash. It was terrible and sad and he didn’t want to happen again. Perhaps there was a part of him also desperately afraid of doing that to someone else, using someone else like they were worthless, meaningless, petty. It was a horrible feeling, he wouldn’t with it on anyone. Feelings like that… they ripped you up.
So maybe if he was thinking straight he wouldn’t be doing this at all. If you kept everyone at arms distance then there was little chance of you getting hurt, little chance of you hurting anyone else and ultimately it was all for the better. That was his thought at least. And yet here he was, actively kissing the boy when they were both shirtless, wondering what was going to happen in the morning, where he was going to sleep, when Alex was going to sleep. He didn’t voice any of these thoughts, to afraid to break the kiss when it was so nice, tongues intertwining and perfection. He wouldn’t want to fuck this up.
And yet there was that nagging voice at the back of his head that told him they were all screwed anyway and he shouldn’t have started this or allowed it to continue or whatever because it was only going to end badly. Bad for Alex, bad for Aidan, bad for both of them. He didn’t know how long the kiss lasted or who stopped it, but when it ended he was looking p at Alex with hazy eyes. One hand drifted up to the boy’s hair, tangling around the locks lightly. “You should stay here tonight,” he stated and it sounded like a good idea to his long gone, fucked up brain. He pulled Alex closer and nuzzled his face into the boy’s neck. “Please?”
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Post by alex midnight on May 21, 2008 18:38:27 GMT -5
Alex was beginning to wonder what would happen with them being friends if all this was just going to be ignored in the morning. If Alex couldnt have him, he at least wanted to be friends with him. Would that even work out? What would happen when the tour ended if they did end up staying close to eachother? Would they say there goodbyes? All of this troubled Alex, he was beginning to wonder if this was worth it, it certainly wasnt if he was just going to get regected like always. But he liked this feeling, he adored it, wanted it to happen more, and only with Aidan. But could Alex gain his trust enough? Would he even be able to trust Aidan? The voices in Alex's head was telling him to stop this and to leave, put his shirt back on and walk out into the night, alone. But Alex didnt want to listen, he wanted to stay here in this boys arms. As the kiss ended, Aidan brought his hand up to Alex's hair, tangling his fingers within the locks of Alex's hair. “You should stay here tonight,” he said to him, pulling Alex closer and nuzzling his neck. "Please?" he asked him. It sounded like a good idea, but what about Aidan's band mates? Would they come back and wonder why Alex was there? "I want too... but what about all your band mates? Wont they come back wondering who i am, and why i am here?" Alex asked, looking at Aidan. "I will if you really want me too though..." Alex said, smiling. |
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aidan cooper
bass [/size][/font]
Music is what feelings sound like
Posts: 144
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Post by aidan cooper on May 21, 2008 19:49:13 GMT -5
Friends, well they were friends, weren’t they? They behaved like friend, albeit ones who kissed while high. And though Aidan didn’t really trust the boy completely, he trusted him enough to get high with him, to allow the kisses to happen, to hug him and laugh and giggle and just… be happy. He trusted the boy enough to stay even after Alex found his scar covered arms, something that would have sent him running had it been most other people. But tomorrow… who knew what would happen. Because he was not stupid enough to think that something like this could happen without any consequences. Though he couldn’t really pretend like it never happened, he could certainly ignore it, and he probably would.
He was pretty sure that Alex didn’t like him as anything more then a friend anyway. The kiss was probably all recreational, experimentation, the product of being high. Aidan was okay with that, he was used to that, being a meaningless notch on a bedpost. Not that Alex was taking him to bed, he was just used to the emotionless nature of things. So he dealt with it.
Alex was looking at him, talking, smiling. Aidan was smiling back. Because despite the woes and troubles plaguing his head, he was too high not to be happy right now. Tomorrow would be different, tonight was just this. “I want you to,” he asserted because there was a little part of him saying he might as well have this before Alex tossed him aside. “And if they come back we’ll just tell them who you are. You’re Alex,” he said poking at the boy’s arm lightly as though Alex was libel to forget who he was. “But they’re all gonna stay at the hotel anyway… ‘cause they’re all weird like that… or maybe I’m weird, I dunno.” He giggle again, finding this quite amusing. And besides all that he was 22, the oldest of the band, he was allowed to have whoever he wanted in the caravan provided they weren’t like an ax murderer or something.
Aidan doubted Alex was an ax murderer. “Stay here,” he insisted again with a grin.
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Post by alex midnight on May 21, 2008 20:04:05 GMT -5
Alex hoped that all this would never stop, he wanted to be with Aidan, he didnt want to just leave him in the morning or Aidan leave him. He trusted Aidan enough, and hoped he trusted Alex. If Alex really was just going to leave Alex he wouldnt even be here, he has had that happen to him so many times, being led on like they wanted to be with Alex. Than in the end leaving him, like he was nothing, and like it didnt matter. So he was definetly not leave Aidan, but would he leave Alex? Alex figured Aidan liked him no more than a friend, and that all this kissing, and hugging, and laughing together were just the drugs. He hoped it wasnt just the drugs, because on his side it wasnt. As Alex smiled to him, he smiled back at him. “I want you to," he told Alex. That made Alex smile even more, he made a trail with his finger, up Aidans abdomen, up to his neck, and back down, smiling. “And if they come back we’ll just tell them who you are. You’re Alex,” he said, poking his arm lightly as he said it. “But they’re all gonna stay at the hotel anyway… ‘cause they’re all weird like that… or maybe I’m weird, I dunno.” he siad to him, giggling. "Your not weird." Alex said to him, smiling. “Stay here,” he said, once more to him. Alex thought about it, why not stay? Okay, i'll stay." he said, grinning. Alex sat up, sitting on the couch and pulled the bag of powder back out of his pocket, making 6 more lines. He pulled the straw out of his pocket, snorting 3 of them up his nose, wipping at his nose to get the powder off of it. "You want those other three?" he asked, looking back to Aidan. "If not i will take them..." |
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aidan cooper
bass [/size][/font]
Music is what feelings sound like
Posts: 144
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Post by aidan cooper on May 21, 2008 20:36:07 GMT -5
Had he known what was going through Alex’s head, maybe Aidan’s fears and worries would be assuaged. Maybe he’d be more likely to trust and like and love. He’d be more likely to just… live and go with it instead of freaking out and being convinced that things were going to be fucked in the end. He wasn’t really aware of Alex’s romantic past, they hadn’t talked about stuff like that, they weren’t that close. Nor did Alex know about Aidan’s fear of being used because that was what always happened.
They were so similar, just two fucked up kids wanting love, wanting it badly, wanting to mean something, wanting to be close to someone, figuring that no one wants that from them. It was ironic in a sad sort of way and would really lead them nowhere. Well maybe Alex would make a move, because Aidan certainly wasn’t going to and getting Aidan’s trust would prove difficult too. He was used to things working a certain way and never in his favor, so to prove a lifetime wrong… well that would be hard. Maybe Alex could do it, maybe he couldn’t. But Aidan subconsciously set himself up for failure, that’s what he did. It validated his point that really the world didn’t like him. He needed someone to slap him and prove him wrong.
Looking up at Alex who was just hovering above him all nice and heavy and warm, Aidan felt pretty good. Alex was asserting that he wasn’t weird and Aidan giggled and ran his fingers through Alex’s hair. “Well you’re cute,” he said, a bit random, but whatever. It wasn’t like he cared about being random. Plus Alex had agreed to spend the night and Aidan was fairly happy about that. Then Alex was getting off him, sitting down properly and Aidan sat up too to give him space. Alex was lying out 6 more liens of coke and though he was sufficiently high, Aidan agreed again, because why the hell not when it was right there and Alex would do it anyway. So he grinned and nodded like a little kid, took the straw and snorted the remaining three lines. He copied Alex’s wiping sort of motion and grinned like a fool.
“Did I tell you that’s you’re awesome… because you are,” he asked, wrapping his arms around Alex’s bare chest and nuzzling his neck again. Then he was sparked by an idea. “You hungry or something? Thirsty? ‘Cause we got loads of food and stuff here,” he made a random sort of broad gesture, unable to get the grin off his face.
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Post by alex midnight on May 21, 2008 20:56:30 GMT -5
Alex realized something, him and Aidan were very alike. They were both depressed, had troubled pasts. Didnt show emotions well around people, and couldnt trust people. He just hoped that Aidan felt the same way he did. He really didnt want to screw up anything with Aidan. Aidan was the first guy Alex has probably ever liked this much. As Alex told Aidan he wasnt weird, he giggled running his fingers through Alex's hair. “Well you’re cute,” he said, a bit random, but who cared? What he said made Alex smile. He giggled, "Me? So are you sweets!" Alex said, smiling. Aidan took the straw from Alex snorting the remaining lines and wipping his nose, like Alex did. Alex smiled at him, leaning over and kissing him, than breaking the kiss. “Did I tell you that’s you’re awesome… because you are,” he asked him. Aidan wrapped his arms around Alex, nuzzling his neck again. Alex giggled, Your more awesome than i am though..." he said, smiling, and lightly laughing. |
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aidan cooper
bass [/size][/font]
Music is what feelings sound like
Posts: 144
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Post by aidan cooper on May 21, 2008 21:12:32 GMT -5
They were behaving… comfortably, easily, like they knew each other, liked each other (simply in a friendly sort of way, or any kind of way really) and were comfortable around each other. And maybe it was jut the being high thing but maybe it was deeper then that, more then that and the drugs only brought it out in both of the,. Whatever, Aidan was still guarding his little stone heart, he figured it was all he had left, he didn’t want it to shatter. But their speech was sweet enough, comfortable and almost practiced sounding but still knew. It was just… well it was easy and smooth and if they weren’t high no way would it be this easy. Aidan wondered if perhaps they would continue on, awkward when alone, get high and turn into this. Kit would hurt but he supposed he could live with it. He would have to if that’s all that was given to him.
Alex smiled and kissed him when Aidan was done snorting the lines of meth and Aidan figured he could get used to that. The casual kisses, the care, they were quite nice. Of course he had resigned himself to the fact that this was not even a semi-permanent thing and he better get what he wanted now because he wasn’t likely to have this chance again. Then Alex was saying how he was awesome and Aidan kissed his neck because it was right there.
There was a lot of touching going on, a lot of kissing and sweetness and stuff but Aidan wasn’t thinking of this in sexual terms at all and he had no real desire to get into Alex’s pants. Not right now, probably not for a while if ever. He was just barely a sexual creature and he tended to go along with all sex acts because it was initiated by the other person. Or Aidan suggested it and it was agreed to and… well sex was almost a casual, emotionless thing to him. This was… emotional… which meant that his desire for sex was non existent. It was a fucked up thought, but that was Aidan for you.
“Thank you,” he mumbled into Alex’s next for the complement of being awesome, even more awesome, and he was grinning and giggling like an idiot but whatever. “Hey,” he said after a moment ,realizing something. “You didn’t say if you wanted food or a drink or something… so do you?” Aida said repeating his little inquiry from a moment ago, about food or drink and weather or not Alex wanted any.
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Post by alex midnight on May 22, 2008 16:33:31 GMT -5
Alex was hoping that in the end, they wouldnt be just friends. He was really hoping that Aidan would begin to trust him, he would like him. He really didnt know if it was all because of the drugs. But he hoped it wasnt. Alex knew he could trust Aidan, it wouldnt be too hard, Aidan just had to give him reasons to trust him.
Alex looked at the baggie of powder, it was alreayd almost gone, and he knew he had to get his hands on more. He couldnt go a full day without snorting once, he just couldnt. He knew he was addicted, and he really didnt want to be, but he couldnt help it. It was fun.
Alex watched Aidan snort the last three remaning lines. Alex kissed Aidan, he realized that he could take the cuasual kissing, all this made Alex happy. He knew that on his side, it wasnt just the drugs. As Alex told Aidan he was awesome too, Aidan reached over and kissed his neck.
“Thank you,” Aidan mumbled into Alex's neck. “Hey,” - - - “You didn’t say if you wanted food or a drink or something… so do you?” Aidan asked him. Alex looked over to him, well he was thirsy, for beer. But he didn't really know if Aidan had any, or if he would feel comfortable around Alex when he was drunk and high at the same time.
"Yeah i could go for some alcohol if you have any..." he said smiling.
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aidan cooper
bass [/size][/font]
Music is what feelings sound like
Posts: 144
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Post by aidan cooper on May 22, 2008 17:11:22 GMT -5
Really Aidan just wanted to walk out of this with his heart relatively intact and a friendship would be nice as well. Because there was definitely something about Alex and Aidan definitely. It was sad how really they both sort of wanted the same thing, were afraid of the same thing, and yet neither said anything. Aidan wondered briefly if this would be them from now on, him and Alex hanging out and getting high and kissing casually and normal and comfortably but with no deeper meaning. He really wasn’t objecting to that though, take what you can get.
Besides, the kisses were nice, friendly and sweet despite the… well not-friendness of them. And Aidan could get used to that, would love to get used to it, but he told himself stubbornly to not get attached. Attachment would lead only to pain, that was how it always ended up. For now though, this was okay. Alex was looking at him, smiling and saying that he was kind of thirsty and alcohol was what he craved.
“Course we do,” Aidan said like "duh’. “I’m the provider of alcohol most of the time, ‘cause the other little kiddies are underage.” He giggled helplessly before getting up off the couch, leaving Alex’s warmth, and ambling over to the fridge. That was true to, about being the provider of alcohol. He could get it all nice and legal with little fuss and no chance of being penalized. Unless of course it was discovered that he was giving it to his underage band mates. But no one really cared.
He came back with the remnants of what used to be a 12 pack of beer. It still had 7 or 8 cans in it actually… so it was the majority of what used to be a 12 pack of beer. Whatever. Aida sat down on the couch with the little box by his side, pulling out two cans and giving one to Alex. :Cheers,” he said happily before opening the top and taking a long drink. Drunk and high probably wasn’t the best combination, but so what.
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Post by alex midnight on May 22, 2008 19:02:51 GMT -5
Alex knew that Aidan probably had no interest in him, but there was no harm in trying to get him too. Alex still just wished he could know what Aidan was thinking about everything going on. He wished one of them could just come out and say that this was cool, and that they could get used to it, one another. He wished that they could trust each other, get to know one another.
All of this that was going on was cool, Alex could definetly get used to it, he wanted to get used to it. He wanted to trust Aidan, but would that happen? And would Aidan trust Alex? Alex thought Aidan could trust him. Alex wasnt the kind of person to use someone, if he was going to do anything with anyone, he would stay with that person. He had no intention of hurting him, he really didn't want to, and he wouldnt.
“Course we do,” Aidan said, answering Alex's question as to if they had beer, or any other type of alcohol. “I’m the provider of alcohol most of the time, ‘cause the other little kiddies are underage.” he said, getting up, leaving Alex and walking toward the fridge. He came back with a 12 pack, 4 of them gone.
Aidan sat back down beside Alex, handing him a can of beer. "Cheers,” Aidan said, opening his can and taking a long drink. Alex opened his, downing half of it. He sat it down on the table, pulling his legs up to him. He looked over to Aidan, smiling. So your completly sure that all your band mates are staying at the hotel? And they wont be coming back?" he asked, moving a bit closer to Aidan, he wanted to feel his warmth again.
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aidan cooper
bass [/size][/font]
Music is what feelings sound like
Posts: 144
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Post by aidan cooper on May 22, 2008 19:13:57 GMT -5
Maybe they could eventually work something out. Probably not now, not why they were both high and on their way to being drunk. But then again maybe they’d get to talking with the alcohol loosening their tongue and the kisses bringing them closer. Who knew. Aidan certainly didn’t. He was already investing great amounts of trust in this boy and just praying that it didn’t blow up in his face. How was he to know that Alex was an honest loyal sort of soul. Even if Alex told him, Aidan wasn’t likely to believe. He was to accustomed to the hurt people gave him.
Alex accepted the can of beer, taking his own sip and edging closer to Aidan on the couch, a fact that did not escape him. He grinned happily and took another sip before slinging an arm around Alex’s shoulders and pulling the boy even closer so their bare skin was touching again and Aidan was pleased with that. He wondered if Alex knew how warm he was. “Completely sure,” he stated, nodding with all the confidence in the world. And yeah, he was certain they were staying at the hotel. They might call, but that would be it. Aidan was only one crazy enough to prefer the caravan over a hotel.
“Are you shy,” he said in that high kind of teasing voice, poking Alex good naturedly in the rib cage. “You afraid of them all seeing you shirtless?” He was grinning and giggling and just sort of lightly poking fun at his friend. They were friends right? It wasn’t like Aidan hadn’t been caught kissing or fondling or undressing someone in the caravan before (only once actually). It wasn’t like he hadn’t caught every one of his band mates doing the same thing (or a lot more). They were like family, they were close, it was… well it was over looked. Not that Aidan was rutting up against Alex like a dog in heat or anything, nor was he likely too. Actually if the band saw him they’d all have a good laugh at the pleasant and cheerful sort of Aidan they got when he was high like this. They would have liked it.
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Post by alex midnight on May 22, 2008 19:29:26 GMT -5
Alex hoped that him and Aidan would work something out. Alex knew he wouldnt hurt Aidan, and he hoped that Aidan knew that, but even if Alex straight up told him, Aidan would probably still not believe him. And he understood why, its hard to trust people, Alex knew that very well. He was always unable to trust anyone, and he could definetly blame his family for that, his fucked up past.
As Alex moved closer to Aidan, the boy took another sip of his beer, and putting his arms around Alex's shoulders. Alex allowed it, his warmth felt good against Alex's skin. Aidan told him that he was completly sure that the band wouldnt come back to the caravan, which took away Alex's worries. It wasnt that he was shy- well he was- but he didn't know any of his band mates at all, he knew Aidan a lot more, and Alex wouldnt be comfortable around people he didnt know anything at all. Yeah he didnt know much about Aidan either, but Alex didnt even know any of his other band mates names.
“Are you shy,” he said, teasing Alex and poking at his ribs. “You afraid of them all seeing you shirtless?” he said, grinning and giggling. "Im a little shy- its just that i dont know them- at all, i dont even know all of their names.... i would be really uncomfortable if they were to come back..." he said, looking up at Aidan.
Alex was really happy that he was here with this boy. He enjoyed seeing him happy, any other time Alex was around him he was quiet and sad. Alex was also really happy that he got to spend the night with him. Alex smiled, grabbing his beer and taking another big gulp, setting it back down. He was already almost done with it, and planned to get another one when he was done.
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aidan cooper
bass [/size][/font]
Music is what feelings sound like
Posts: 144
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Post by aidan cooper on May 22, 2008 19:52:55 GMT -5
It was so neat to be here, with someone like this and not have to worry so much about being dumped out, or screwed over or any of that. Not that Aidan didn’t think those were legitimate outcomes, they always were, he just doubted Alex would use any of those options tonight. And because they were both high they could mess around, exchange casual kisses, friendly and more then friendly touches and everyone was okay for right now even if it wouldn’t be in the morning.
He liked being able to make Alex laugh and giggle so easily. Oh course given that the boy was high it wasn’t that hard, but it was still awesome and fun and cute. And he was all talking about not knowing the rest of the bad and beign shy and stuff. He took alother drink of his beer and set it down. Aidan sat his beer down next to Alex’s and promptly wrapped both arms around he boy, drawing him into a hug and flopping backwards so Alex was kind of situated on top of him. He liked the warmth and weight of the boy and the bare skin was an added bonus.
“You’re cute, did I say that already,” he queried. “Well the band is me and Gabe and Nate and Lilly and Kat and Katrina… so now you know them.” He giggled and hugged Alex closer, nuzzling into the boy’s neck which seemed to appeal to his greatly. “And I’ll make sure you’re comfortable,” he said, laughing happily and kissing/licking at the skin at Alex’s neck. He was never this goofy, but high it was easy, high with Alex it was veen easier.
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