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Post by alex midnight on May 20, 2008 17:48:37 GMT -5
Alex was curious to see what Aidan would act like when he was high. Everyone had different side affects. Alex would get hyper, and smile even more than he did when he wasnt high, he also got really flirty and was hard to calm down. Alex saw that Aidan was watching him, probably to see what his reaction would be to the meth. Alex looked up at Aidan, almost breaking, and not being able to hold everything in anymore.
Alex's heart began to beat a little faster, and he looked up to Aidan, a smile beginning to appear on his face. Alex didnt know why he smiled so much, he was depressed and never happy most of the time, but he decided that it was probably to hide that he was really sad all the time, and he just couldnt stop smiling when he was with Aidan, he made him happy.
“I dunno,” he said in almost a whisper. “Come here,” he said to Alex, patting the spot next to him on the couch. Alex just remembered that he was still sitting on the floor. Alex got up from the floor sitting down beside Aidan. The couch was small enough to allow Alex to be close to Aidan, without him getting to uncomfortable. Alex looked over to Aidan and smiled, a brilliant smile.
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aidan cooper
bass [/size][/font]
Music is what feelings sound like
Posts: 144
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Post by aidan cooper on May 20, 2008 18:03:57 GMT -5
Aidan smiled it was true, but not very often and mostly not for real. He smiled light sort of smirks, harsh smiles, appreciation smiles at a joke, something like that. He didn’t smile out of general true happiness, and even these drug addled grins weren’t quite true happiness. He was far to fucked up, far to depressed for that. The scars, old and new, on his forearms were a testament to that fact. Not that he was thinking of that. He was a bit too wrapped up and distracted. And the hoddie covered his arms up well enough, unless of course Alex pushed his sleeves up for some unknown reason. Then everything could go to hell.
Aidan didn’t get happy, really he didn’t. He stayed sad most of the time or coldly distant or something that was far from happiness. But sitting here, getting this high with Alex, no worry of anyone walking in on them, it was messing with his brain in more ways then one. It was a wonderful feeling and Aidan knew he wasn’t thinking clearly but he didn’t care. He just wanted to feel, just feel like this, feel amazing and wonderful and new.
Alex listened to his and was quickly situated next to him on the couch, smiling all happy and such and it made Aidan’s heart soar. He cocked his head to the side and smiled back, content to just look at the boy. He was really far gone at this point. He would have to get high with Alex more often, it was sure to be fun. He didn’t really feel like analyzing the situation and really just felt like… doing whatever he wanted. So he reached out a hand and brought it up to Alex’s cheek, gently rubbing his hand against the skin there. They were close so he didn’t really have to reach. The whole time he was looking at Alex with that goofy high sort of grin that had no trace of sexual need or malice or anything. Really hew as just amused and just… felt like touching the kid. Who knew why.
“You have soft cheeks,” he asserted as if it was a truly relevant fact to Alex’s everyday existence. He dropped his hand and promptly burst out laughing as though it was the funniest thing he had heard himself say, which it might have been. He couldn’t really tell anymore. Everything was kid of hazy. But he wasn’t too bothered by that fact. Alex was here after all. He figured as long as Alex was there, things would be pretty okay.
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Post by alex midnight on May 20, 2008 18:32:43 GMT -5
Alex knew that he could definetly trust Aidan, there was really no reason not too. Alex looked to Aidan, a light smile on his face. Alex wondered why Aidan was always wearing a hoodie, or any kind of long sleeved shirt. Was he hiding something? He knew it was none of his buisness, but he really wanted to know. Alex realized that he was never really happy, unless he was high. And the other way he was happy, was if he was around this boy. He just had something that kept Alex interested, he was actually a mystery. Alex didnt know why he was never happy, if it was something that happened in his past, or if he just couldnt trust people, because someone was cruel to him before. As Alex took a seat by Aidan on the couch and smiled at him. Aidan coked his head to the side, smiling back at him. The glass must have been getting to him, because he had never seen Aidan this happy. It made him feel good, that he brought out the happiness within Aidan. Aidan all of the sudden reached out touching Alex's face, lightly rubbing his cheek. Alex looked over to him, was he really doing this? Or was it Alex just dreaming it? The whole time, Aidan gave him this smile, that he hasnt seen before from him. “You have soft cheeks,” he said, beginning to laugh like it was the funniest thing ever. Alex smiled, lauging with him. He felt the need to wrestle like little kids, he thought it would be fun. Wanna have a wrestling match?" he asked, giggling like a little kid. |
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aidan cooper
bass [/size][/font]
Music is what feelings sound like
Posts: 144
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Post by aidan cooper on May 20, 2008 21:16:49 GMT -5
Aidan knew, he got the sense, that for the boy, his happiness wasn’t always real. It wasn’t that hard of a thing to notice but then again people didn’t usually pick up on that kind of thing. People generally saw what they wanted to see, especially in friends. But Aidan knew what it was like and knew what to look for and thus could just tell about Alex because that was much how he was with happiness. So he knew the boy was faking but he didn’t care and anyway, right now he wasn’t really faking. Then again, right now they were both high.
It felt so good, there was no other word for it. It just made him feel, well pleasant. He knew in the back of his mind somewhere that there was probably going to be a coming down period that sucked like all hell but he wasn’t really thinking of that. Way to high. He was totally wrapped up in this feeling in his chest.
It was a testament to how high he was that he actually thought wrestling with Alex was a god idea. Because though he could be quite the lover of physical contact, he wasn’t necessary a physical person like that. He didn’t really play around and goof around like that, he really just didn’t. But Alex was giggling and that automatically made things funny and why not. He was high and crazed and it just seemed like it would be pretty neat to mess around like that. He never really had a proper goof off wrestling match before but he did have band members that were closer to normal so why not. He paused and sort of lunged foreword as answer.
He wasn’t too careful or coordinated because of the drugs so Alex’s shoulder probably hit the arm of the couch fairly hard. But Aidan was giggling like crazy as he pushed back at Alex and sort of straddle him on the small couch. He got this triumphant look on his face and then just fell off him and fell off the couch and landed on the floor in a giggling heap. Yeah he wasn’t very good at this, but if Alex kept add it, Aidan would get the hang of it in a minute.
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Post by alex midnight on May 20, 2008 21:47:46 GMT -5
As Alex mentioned a wrestling match, Aidan jumped toward him, tackling him, and making Alex's shoulder hit the arm of the chair hard. But Alex didn't care, he was having fun. Aidan straddled him on the small couch. Alex looked up at him, as Aidan got a look on his face, like he had won. He should think again, cause this wasnt over by a lond shot. Aidan fell off of Alex, and only the floor, having a giggling fit. Alex wanted to know what all the sudden came over him, Aidan would never get this close to him without knowing him as much. He laughed. He fell off the couch and onto Aidan, straddling him like he had done to him on the couch. Alex looked into his eyes, and he was still giggling. The glass was definetly getting to him, Alex could tell. Alex leaned down, taking Aidan's lips within his. He casually let his tounge slip into his mouth, letting it explore. He broke the kiss, laying his forhead against Aidan's, smiling. Alex, didnt know how he was going to react, but Alex began to take off Aidan's shirt, after he got it off he kissed him once more, and leaving a trail of kisses from his mouth to his neck. |
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aidan cooper
bass [/size][/font]
Music is what feelings sound like
Posts: 144
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Post by aidan cooper on May 20, 2008 22:15:19 GMT -5
It was amazing how easily it was to just go with the flow and move with things, have fun and be weird and normal. Aidan never got like this sober, never ever and he probably never would. He didn’t get like this when he was high off anything else either and he understood completely why people got addicted to meth so fats and hard. He would remind himself tomorrow of all the reason why occasional use was okay but he really didn’t want to end up addicted to this stuff. And maybe it would work and maybe it wouldn’t, only time would tell that one.
Aidan noticed that Alex was on top of him and he found that funny and so he was still giggling right up until Alex kissed him. He really wasn’t expecting that so he just stayed still as Alex kissed him, snuck his tongue into his mouth and explored a bit. Aidan really didn’t respond for a while, just let it happen. Alex really was some kind of god send because he didn’t stop, just kept going even though Aidan wasn’t giving him shit.
He wasn’t really sure how to react. His drug addled brain was acting slower then normal and though it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling, being kissed by this boy… well he didn’t know what it was. If he wasn’t high he probably would have pushed Alex off, be scared form it because he so did not want to get attached and he was sure that’s what Alex was after in some way, an emotional attachment. But high, he really didn’t care and once he got used to the idea, it seemed like a pretty good one.
So Alex broke the kiss and was smiling and started getting rid of Aidan’s shirt. And Aidan wasn’t thinking about his need to hide his scars from this boy, or even their existence at all. He was thinking about kissing this boy again and wanted to kiss back. He was granted the chance as Alex kissed him once more and this time Aidan did reciprocate. Then the boy was leaving his mouth, trialing down to his neck and Aidan, still not thinking properly, slid his eyes closed and moved his hands up to Alex’s hair, of course putting his arms quite close to Alex’s face. His scared and ugly bare arms.
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Post by alex midnight on May 20, 2008 22:36:02 GMT -5
As Alex, fell on top of Aidan, straddling him it didnt seem to hit Aidan until Alex began to kiss him. As Alex kissed him, Aidan didn't do anything but he allowed it. As Alex broke the kiss, pulling Aidan's shirt off. Alex knew that when they werent high anymore, this would never be brought up, and Aidan, would probably push Alex away, and acted as if it never happened. But Alex really didnt care, he was enjoying it while he could. As Alex kissed him once more, breaking it and moving down to his neck, Aidan brought his hands up to Alex's hair. Alex lightly nipped at the tender skin on his neck. AS he stopped he looked down at Aidan, his eyes still closed. Out of the corner of his eye, Alex saw cuts all over each of Aidan's arms. He didn't know how to react, it looked as if he was trying to attempt suicide, but failed. Alex used one of his hands, pulling Aidan's hands out of his hair, and got off of Aidan. He sat on the couch, looking directly ahead of him. A tear fell down his cheek, falling to his tight jeans, leaving a stain. "Why did you do that to yourself?" he asked, his voice a little un-even. He used the back of his hand to wipe away the tears from his eyes. |
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aidan cooper
bass [/size][/font]
Music is what feelings sound like
Posts: 144
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Post by aidan cooper on May 20, 2008 22:49:03 GMT -5
Aidan was used to being… well used. Kissed and fucked and tossed aside like so much refuse and forgotten about. He was used to engaging in things that would never be brought up the next morning. It sucked but that was just what Aidan dealt with. And he figured Alex was probably like the vast majority of people, wanting some sort of gratification and using Aidan because he was close and he wasn’t objecting. And he doubted either of them would talk about it tomorrow and maybe it would be awkward and maybe it wouldn’t be. It probably wouldn’t be worth it in the long run but Aidan was crazy high and didn’t care and wasn’t thinking of any of that.
In all honesty, he would have liked to talk about this tomorrow. He would have liked to kiss Alex when hew as sober, away from drugs and alcohol and all that shit, just kiss him like a normal person. He would have liked to try that out, but chances were he never would. Mostly because he couldn’t bring himself to open up to anyone, especially this kid who he only sort of0 knew, like that. He couldn’t be that close to someone, not emotionally, because they he would get fucked over and he liked to avoid that at all costs.
Then the kissing stopped and Aidan was kind of disappointed. He felt a hand on his wrists and that was what really stopped him and made a shiver race through his body because he was reminded of the scars and… shit. Alex got off of him and dropped his hand, sitting on the couch and looking ahead. fuck. Aidan was left there, lying on the ground of the band caravan, shirtless and painful from the grip on his arm, high and confused and upset and all he really wanted to do was kiss the boy again, but he was smart enough to not try. Even high he had some basic survival instincts.
The kid was crying. Not profusely, but hew as crying. That fact entered Aidan’s mind and just sort of stayed there, stabbing at him. Aidan didn’t move, could only stare at Alex. There was the question. He took a breath. “I wanted to die,” he said and his voice was bland and sort of empty. There was the barest hint of a question there because…seriously it was obvious. “I wanted to hurt… I wanted to remind myself that I’m still alive.” He stated this all and began to sit up, coking his head to the side an looking at Alex like he had been before. But there was no trace of a smile on his lips and he was looking almost lost. Like he didn’t know quite what to do or how to react.
People didn’t cry over him so he didn’t get why Alex was. Even Gabe didn’t cry over him when he pulled his body out of the bathroom and bandaged his arms and held him as he fell asleep that night. And Gabe was his savior, he hardly knew this boy.
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Post by alex midnight on May 21, 2008 14:15:17 GMT -5
As Alex got off of Aidan, and sat on the couch, he looked straight ahead. He didnt know what do think. Did this boy really try to kill himself? Of course Alex knew he was having a hard time, and Alex did to, but Alex never did that to himself, and knew he never would, no matter how bad life got. As he sat there, tears began to run down his face. He really didnt know why he was crying. Yeah he was upset, but he didnt realize he was this upset. Alex drew his legs up, wrapping his arms around them. “I wanted to die,” he told Alex, still laying on the floor, looking up at him. “I wanted to hurt… I wanted to remind myself that I’m still alive.” he said, sitting up. He cocked his head to the side looking at Alex. "Of course you wanted to die... but no matter how bad life gets you dont need to do that.... i have wanted to die many times... but i never did that, and i never will." he said. He buried his head in his legs so Aidan couldnt see his face. He was still crying. He cared for this boy, and wished he wouldn't do that to himself. Alex knew some of the cuts were only a day or two old. |
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aidan cooper
bass [/size][/font]
Music is what feelings sound like
Posts: 144
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Post by aidan cooper on May 21, 2008 15:28:42 GMT -5
Aidan was never too messed up about his suicide attempts. Well he was obviously, hence the attempting it in the first place. But after the fact he wasn’t too messed up about it. He hadn’t found religion and he doubted he ever would. It was just a cycle he seemed to go through. He had wanted it, wanted to die but it seemed that others weren’t to fond of that idea. But Aidan wasn’t to concerned with that either. Though he was still alive now mostly for Gabe and the band and them.
Alex started to cry and Aidan looked at him curiously, the reason to the tears not really reaching his still drug addled brain. He wanted to climb up there and hug Alex or something and try to get him to stop crying but he didn’t move, didn’t know if he could. It was heart wrenching and Aidan was actually kind of shocked and slighted upset by this fact, that he cared enough to truly feel bad that he was causing Alex this sort of emotional pain. Aidan was shitty at emotional attachments, why was this so easy?
Alex understood, about the wanting part, the craving death part. Aidan could see that in his eyes and Alex was telling him anyway. But Alex had never done it before, had never actually tried, had never chased death before like Aidan had. Maybe he was doing it more indirectly through his drug use and the drinking and all those other things. Aidan did that too, resorting to the slow chase of death because he had promised his friends to stick around for a little while longer.
“I know I don’t need to,” he said slowly and that was true, he did know that. But that wasn’t what it was about. “But I wanted to and so I did it. I chose to.” Aidan had his forehead wrinkled like this was taking quite a lot of thought, which it was. “There’s nothing on earth you need to do Alex… nothing you absolutely need to do… except die. Everything is a choice Alex, ever fucking breath is a choice and… I didn’t do it ‘cause I needed to… I did it… do it, ‘cause I want to.” And that was absolutely the truth and absolutely the way he viewed things, life in general, his place in it. It made him feel comfortable knowing that he chose every breath, chose to keep on living.
Alex was crying still, his face buried in his legs. Aidan was upset, deeply upset. He hated seeing Alex like that and Alex had just kissed him. It was all jumbled up in his head and he crawled towards the couch. “Alex,” he said hesitantly as though perhaps the boy couldn’t hear him properly. “Alex don’t cry.” He crawled up onto the couch and put a hand hesitantly on the boy’s shoulder, wanting bad to make him happier or something. It was so good a minute ago, fun and goofy and Aidan wanted that back. “Alex please don’t cry.”
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Post by alex midnight on May 21, 2008 16:02:59 GMT -5
Alex still didnt understand how anyone could do that to themselves. Yeah Alex was really troubled, hated his life even. He was fucked up, and had a horrible life, the way he was living it wasnt right. He didnt know what to think, he was still shocked, and he just wished that he wouldnt have seen it and that they were still laying on the floor, kissing. But of course, Alex's luck that it would get fucked up. He truley did care for Aidan even if he didnt know him that well. “I know I don’t need to,” - - - “But I wanted to and so I did it. I chose to.” Aidan told him, as he still had his face buried into his legs. He was starting to slow down, not crying as much. “There’s nothing on earth you need to do Alex… nothing you absolutely need to do… except die. Everything is a choice Alex, ever fucking breath is a choice and… I didn’t do it ‘cause I needed to… I did it… do it, ‘cause I want to.” he said. He had a point, he could do what he wanted when he wanted, but Alex still wished he wouldnt. Aidan crawled up on the couch, beside Alex. “Alex,” - - - “Alex don’t cry.” he said, reaching up and resting his hand on Alex's shoulder. “Alex please don’t cry.” he said to him, once more, trying to calm him down. Alex looked up to Aidan, wipping his eyes on his shirt sleeve. "Im sorry for crying... i mean i dont know you that well, but i really do care for you... and it just make me sad..."He wanted to hug Aidan, but he didnt know if he would allow it. But Alex did it any way, he turned to face Aidan more, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him, he layed his head against his chest. |
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aidan cooper
bass [/size][/font]
Music is what feelings sound like
Posts: 144
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Post by aidan cooper on May 21, 2008 16:24:13 GMT -5
He looked cute like that and Aidan couldn’t help noticing. Alex looked cute, messed up and sad, tears staining his cheek. It was a sad and down kind of cute but it truly was cute. Maybe that was just the drugs talking though, that was certainly a possibility. He didn’t know why the boy cared for him. People cared for him sure, but not without really knowing him and he doubted Alex knew him that well, because Aidan didn’t know Alex that well. And he cared for the boy, which was utterly terrifying… but he wasn’t used to the care being applied to him. He really was just a fucked up sort of guy.
He always wasn’t used to this, this sort of fear and disappointment and hate of his actions that Alex was exhibiting. Because even Gave didn’t give him that. Gabe watched him after pulling him from the bathroom, from death, and cleaning him up. Gabe cared and said things but it wasn’t the way Alex was saying it. Perhaps Gabe knew that if Aidan truly wanted to go through with it now, then he wouldn’t, and if he promised to wait, until another day, until the end of the tour, until whatever, then Aidan would do that. Well whatever, he wasn’t used to Alex and his care. It was unnerving, new and kind of frightening.
Aidan would rather they were still on the ground, laughing and kissing and stuff. That seemed like forever ago though and Aidan wasn’t really thinking of it because he was much to focused on this. Alex was looking up at him, wet and sad and cute and Aidan wanted to hug him quite a bit but he didn’t. And Alex was saying how he cared for Aidan, how Aidan made him sad, how he was sorry for apologizing. It was so odd, so weird. It wasn’t unpleasant but it wasn’t entirely unpleasant either.
Then Aidan was hugging him tightly and put his head against Aidan’s chest and it took Aidan a moment before he hugged Alex back. He wrapped his arms around the boy and buried his face in the kid’s hair and inhaled. “You smell nice,” he mumbled into the top of the boy’s head before he could help himself. Well whatever, hew as still high.
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Post by alex midnight on May 21, 2008 17:12:16 GMT -5
Alex knew that he didn't know Aidan that well, but he couldnt stop himself for caring for him so much. He knew that Aidan probably thought he was weird, and Aidan was probably feeling odd thinking Alex was falling for him, but Alex couldn't help it, he was high. And Aidan was rather cute. As he looked up to Aidan, wipping away the tears off his face, he saw Aidan giving him a sort of look. He really felt the need to hug him, and hoped that if and when he did he would hug him back. As he reached over, wrapping his arms around Aidan, it took Aidan a while to respond to him. Alex layed his head against his chest, realizing that he still had no shirt on. He had warm skin, and he liked that warmth. He realized that he may very well be falling for Aidan a bit. But he didn't know. Aidan wrapped his arms around Alex and buried his head in Alex's hair. "“You smell nice" he said, inhaling his scent from Alex's hair. Alex looked up to him, into his eyes. He reached up kissing his on the lips, and trailing down to his neck again, as he did before. "Lets pick up where we left off..." he said, smiling. He began to lightly bite the tender skin on Aidan's neck. |
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aidan cooper
bass [/size][/font]
Music is what feelings sound like
Posts: 144
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Post by aidan cooper on May 21, 2008 17:22:55 GMT -5
God this was a high like no else. He was going through crazy emotional mood swings like never before and yet it wasn’t wearing him out or making him crazy and it didn’t exhaust him either. He went from hyper and goofy to freaked out and sad back to flirty and goofy and bubbly. And he was keeping up without much worry, it was easy and comfortable even. Maybe the comfort thing was just the drugs talking though. He knew well enough, and could access this information despite the high, that he’d be feeling this way for a few hours at least, possibly longer. Honestly, he was cool with that.
It was brilliant, all his worries were gone, swiped away by the high and Alex’s kiss and the rush at remembering that he lacked a shirt and that Alex rememebered that too. It was just such a nice feeling, being this close to someone. He forgot what that was like and perhaps in this moment he was falling a bit for the boy, caring a bit, loving a bit. But that could just be the drugs. Aidan wasn’t in the mindset to analyze it though so he didn’t and just rolled with it. Normally he thought things through. He was high right now, that made people idiots. He was also pretty cool with that too though.
Anyway Alex certainly wasn’t objecting to the kisses and as Alex kissed his way down Aidan’s neck, mumbling about picking up where they left off, a giggle rippled through Aidan. It wasn’t really funny, but it was just his pent up emotions escaping his body. Alex was nipping lightly at the skin on his neck and Aidan giggled some more, squirming lightly but not really to get away, just to readjust himself. He sighed happily, content and smiling in his high and with the kisses.
“Hey,” he said suddenly, putting his hands across Alex’s back, moving them lightly up and down. “You’re still wearing a shirt.” It suddenly seemed drastically unfair right now that Alex still had his shirt on when Aidan was clearly shirtless. “You should take it off,” he informed the boy with a lopsided, drug addled grin.
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Post by alex midnight on May 21, 2008 17:45:37 GMT -5
Aidan was the only guy that Alex ever really felt comfortable around. He was really beginning to think that he may be crushing on Aidan, and that it wasnt just drugs that were making him do this. He knew this feeling, that it was real, but he just hoped Aidan felt the same, but knew he probably didn't. Alex felt as if there were no more worries when he was with Aidan, like he was really the only thing that mattered. All of this was hitting Alex fast, but it felt good, it made him happy. It surprised Alex that Aidan wasnt saying no to his kisses, he was actually enjoying it. He could sense that Aidan was beginning to feel a little more comfortable around Alex. As Alex was nipping at Aidan's neck, Aidan began to giggle, and squirming a bit under him. “Hey,” he said, rubbing his back up and down, which made Alex stop bitting his neck. “You’re still wearing a shirt.” - - - “You should take it off,” he said, grinning. As he said this, Alex grabbed his shirt, pulling it off and tossing it to the ground. "Better?" he asked, giggling in Aidan's ear, his lips brushing it as he spoke and laughed. He lightly nibbled on his ear. |
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