unfinished story - alex

[aidan cooper]

Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness
___________

Aidan liked smoking quite a bit. Yes he was probably addicted but it wasn’t an all consuming addiction. He had, on more then one occasion, forgot about his cigarettes and passed on the smoking for a couple days at a time with no harsh side affects, picking back up later when he was upset or stressed or whatever. It was a coping mechanism for him, like the drugs or the alcohol, a method of chilling out, calming down and basically self destruct. He was good at the self destructing thing. Quite good.

It was late afternoon and he was having a cigarette outside the caravan, sitting on the steps and smoking his second cigarette in the last few minutes. He blew the smoke out slowly, watching it swirling around his head, loving the smell of it. If you wee going to engage in something that could give you cancer, you might as well enjoy it. The rest of the band was probably in the hotel. They did that every so often on tour but Aidan always liked the caravan. It was more familiar, more comfortable. So they always let him stay behind. He always made his way to the hotel at night though, rather then sleep alone. Aidan was the contemplative quiet one of the band, they dealt with him.

There wasn’t really anyone around the grounds but Aidan was fine with that. He stayed out of the limelight a lot of the time, a fairly easy thing to do when Gabe and the rest of the band were more photogenic then him and liked the media attention. It let him stay in the background and be silent and depressed and emo. Aidan liked it that way. Hr was watching the little meandering and the few people that walked by. No one spoke to him. Perhaps unsure of who he was. Whatever, he didn’t do this for the fame. He barely did it for the music anymore. Nowadays it seemed like he was on this tour mostly for the band and for the opportunity for one more day, one more day of not being dead.

Well whatever. He threw the cigarette down and promptly lit another one.

[alex midnight]

]
-------------------

As Alex walked the streets, with his friends, he watched everything around him. He had just got done with a huge drug deal, and was feeling great.

He was feeling like he needed a cigarette. He didn't know how many he had left, and he really didnt know if he even had something to lite it. He searched through his pockets, finding no lighter, but he did have a full pack of Reds left.

"You guys have a lighter?" he asked his friends, that were walking ahead of him, and acting retarded. They all said they didnt have one, and even if they did they probably wouldnt have let him use it.

AS his friends left him, he looked over to see the a caravan - he thought it was the sighted south one- and a guy sitting on the steps of it. He watched as his friends left, and he began to walk over to him. "You have a lighter I could use quick?" he asked, pulling a cigarette out of the pack, and smiling at him.

[aidan cooper]

Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness
___________

Aidan looked up when he realized he was being addressed. He didn’t exactly smile, but his eyes lightened and he nodded slowly. “Hey Alex,” he said softly. He had met the boy before, earlier and they got along quite well. He was a partier, Alex, a drinker, a smoker, involved in drugs and not necessarily the not-so-hard drugs that Aidan leaned towards. Well everyone had their vices, Aidan certainly had his and he liked the boy well enough. He didn’t necessarily trust him, but that could change. Alex… he didn’t know what the boy was shaping up to be, but that had enough chance encounters that Aidan at least felt comfortable talking to him, maybe inviting him back to the caravan for a drink or a smoke or whatever.

“Yeah sure,” he said blandly, sticking the cigarette in his mouth and fishing his lighter out of his pocket, presenting it to the boy in front of him with a blank expression. He had a nice smile, Alex, and Aidan hoped he kept that’s smile. “Pull up a seat,” Aidan instructed though it was really just a suggestion. He moved over on the caravan steps, giving Alex room to sit down.

“Haven’t seen you in a few days,” Aidan said conversationally, taking a drag on his cigarette. “Been up to anything,” he said lightly. It wasn’t serious, wasn’t deep. Honestly Aidan was kind of afraid of serious and deep. He preferred idle conversation.

[alex midnight]

]
-------------------

As Alex walked over to the caravan, he realized that it was Aidan sitting there. He had met the boy a few times, mostly at parties, Aidan was into pretty much the same as Alex - Alcohol, Cigarettes, and of course Drugs.

As he asked him if he could use the lighter, Aidan pulled out a cigarette handing it to him. “Yeah sure,” he said as he handed it to him. He took it, lighting his cigarette and taking the first hit off of it. Alex let out a light chuckle. "I didnt realize it was you when i first started walking over here..." he said, lightly smiling.

“Pull up a seat,” he said moving over on the steps, making room for Alex. As he sat by him, he took another hit from his cigarette. “Haven’t seen you in a few days," he said, looking over to Alex.

Alex smiled, chuckling. "Yeah, i know..." he said, looking out into the night. “Been up to anything.” Alex looked back to Aidan, watching him take another hit off his cigarette. "Not really just going to parties... same old same old. Just got back from a deal with my friends..." he said smiling and patting his pocket. "Got some stuff you should try."

[aidan cooper]

Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness
___________

The kid was amusing to watch. Technically Aidan shouldn’t be thinking of Alex as a kid because he definitely wasn’t a kid. He was only two years younger then Aidan himself, officially out of teenagerdom and though he had a sweet, young sort of face, if the smoking and drinking and drugs were anything to go off of Alex… well he wasn’t a kid. Still, for Aidan it was like an unspoken affection for the boy, thinking of him as a kid, adding innocence that he definitely didn’t earn. Well whatever. It wasn’t like he called Alex ‘kid’ to his face.

Aidan got a kick out of just watching the boy, observing his movements and how he went through everything easy and simply. He had a light voice and seemed to have this uncaring nature about him. Aidan liked that about the boy. He himself was constantly bogged down by… well everything it seemed. Alex sat next to him and Aidan was slowly feeling all the unnamed worries lift. Alex just made it so easy. He wasn’t necessarily trouble but he wasn’t innocent and yet he made Aidan feel… well nice, comfortable.

Aidan watched the guy with amused eyes, smoking slowly, watching Alex smoke. The boy patted his pocket and Aidan couldn’t suppress the grin that graced his features. “Oh yeah,” he said. There were benefits to having a friend who was quite like you and did drugs and drank and smoke and connections for the drugs part. He wasn’t quite sure how close they were, him and Alex, but it seemed mostly tied to their similar views about the parties and drugs and all that sort of stuff. They were still comfortable with each other and Aidan was fine with that. “What kind of ‘stuff’ are we talking about,” he asked happily, still with that little smile on his face. He didn’t smile like that all that much, but Alex was special.

[alex midnight]

]
-------------------

As he was sitting beside Aidan he noticed, him looking at him with this look, he didnt quiet know what kind of look but he liked it. He liked this kid- or boy- you couldnt call him a kid, and he was actually 2 years older than Alex. But he did like Aidan, there was just something about him.

He looked into his eyes, smiling once more. When he was around Aidan he was all smiles. Alex took another hit of his cigarette, inhaling it, and slowly blowing the smoke from his mouth.

As Alex patted his pocket, Aidan grinned. “Oh yeah,” he said. Alex looked up at him, taking another hit, blowing the smoke out as he talked, "Yeah... maybe i will let you have some." he said, lightly laughing and winking at Aidan.

“What kind of ‘stuff’ are we talking about,” he asked Alex, in a happy manner. "Just stuff... it isnt really all that hard core, just some glass... a little bit of pot..." he said, smiling.

[aidan cooper]

Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness
___________

It would be so easy to get close to this kid, with his partying ways and his drugs and booze. It would be so easy to just gather the boy, sneak him on the caravan, keep him there forever. It would be so easy to bear his soul, so to speak, tell the guy everything and anything, maybe love him (in more of an emotional attachment way then a romantic way, but that wasn’t out of the question either). Not that any of these things were currently the case, but it would just be so easy to progress into any or all of them. And yet Aidan kept him at a distance.

He had his reasons of course, keeping the boy’s at arms distance. Like the scars being covered up by his long sleeved t-shirt. Most of them were old but there were a few cuts that were only a few days old. Not too deep and some might disappear entirely, but still they were there, angry and red and harsh. He never cut to deep anymore, not enough to… kill himself or anything. Gabe had put a stop to that. Him and the rest of the band really. He still cut, but he’d stick around for a while, live another day. Gabe had saved him long ago; Aidan wasn’t going to completely waste that.

So Aidan didn’t trust Alex that much. But he wasn’t above semi-flirting with the by, smiling and laughing and getting high with him. The band was at the hotel anyway and would just be expecting him to show up, they wouldn’t be looking for him or anything. Aidan grinned when the boy winked at him and his heart was fluttering in the anticipation of actual human communication and the possibility of getting high. Then Alex told him what it was.

Aidan whistled low, not missing a beat and not being concerned. Why would he be. “Pot I’m okay with… have my own stash… but I’m thinking glass is a bit hard core Alex,” he said slowly, almost in a gentle teasing manner. There was no real reprimand to his voice and it was still clear by the smile on his face, that this was just… well it was fine. “More so then pot at any rate,” he added with a shrug. “I’ve never done meth before,” he stated simply, looking at Alex, wondering what the boy would say to that. Of course Aidan would try if offered. Life’s to short to bother wasting it. Try everything, he figured. You only got this one life.

[alex midnight]

]
-------------------

Alex could find himself getting close to Aidan - although he had trust isuess he thought he could begin to trust him. He seemed like his was a good guy - from what Alex knew, but he didnt know him deep down, and didnt know if he could gain trust, or if Aidan would even let him get close to him.

As Alex winked at him, he saw a new look on his face. Alex knew that this was probably the most conversation he had with Aidan, and barely talked to a lot of people anyway.

Even thought Alex didnt look it - he was actually quiet shy. He found it hard to show his emotions around people, but when he was high, it was a whole different story.

When Alex is high, he gets this new found happiness. He gets really hyper, loud. He also gets flirty and touchy. He didnt exactly know what would happen if him and Aidan got high together.

“Pot I’m okay with… have my own stash… but I’m thinking glass is a bit hard core Alex,” he said, a hint of hesitation. Alex looked him in the eyes. “More so then pot at any rate,” - - - “I’ve never done meth before,” he said, looking at Alex.

"Awww come on... you have too! Its fun.... i know i am." he said looking at Aidan. "You dont have too if you really dont want too... but it will be more fun" he said smiling, taking the final hit off his cigarette, and throwing it to the ground in front of him.

[aidan cooper]

Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness
___________

Aidan was certainly not a trusting individual. His friends, his best friends, they were exceptions, but there were things he didn’t even trust the rest of the band with, things he tried to hide from them for his sake and there’s. And he certainly didn’t trust Alex like he trusted, say Gabe or Kat, but he trusted the boy enough to get high with him. Aidan’s inhibitions were a bit degraded when he got high. He got a little more affectionate, kind of flirty, very touchy and rather clamed down. But he knew meth was a major stimulant so… who knew exactly what would happen. When he got high on pot he would just cuddle up to whoever was there and perhaps fall asleep. Maybe meth would make him giggly and jittery.

Aidan fixed Alex with a stare when the boy was trying to get him high but not pressuring him. Aidan kind of appreciated. “You doubt my bravery,” he said and there was something that was a cross between amusement and almost annoyance. “I just said I never tried it, not that I wouldn’t.” he smiled though, letting the other boy know there was no harshness behind his voice. “The rest of the and is at a hotel tonight, so not like we’ll be bothered,” he stated, talking a last drag on his cigarette and tossing it to the ground besides Alex’s cigarette. He stood up and motioned for Alex to follow him into the caravan.

He was jittery with anticipation. Aidan was not typically a social person, he just wasn’t. He was sweet but he was shy as well, very walled off and just shit away form the world. But this was something… well new. He didn’t do things like this normal, invite people he only sort of knew into the caravan to get high and whatever. He wasn’t nearly as well known as say Gabe or nearly anyone else in the band, it helped that he stayed out of the limelight. But he still had people who… were after him because of the band. Alex never seemed to do that, which was perhaps why Aidan liked him so much.

“Come on,” he stated, opening the door and shutting it behind them as Alex entered the caravan. “Make yourself at home,” he added in a sort of joking matter, just from the clichéd nature of the statement. He himself walked over to the couch in the living area and sat down. It was small and kind of cramped, so Alex would be sitting close, but Aidan was okay with that. He liked physical contact, craved it, like the connection. And why not with Alex.

[alex midnight]

]
-------------------

Alex figured he could trust Aidan. He was prabably one of the few people Alex trusted. He had a hard time being around people when he wasnt high. He could thank his family for all his problems, Alex grew up like no kid should. And the way he did grew up troubled him, leaving him to not be his real self around people, to not trust people.

As Alex told Aidan it would be fun, and that he didnt have to do it, Aidan gave him a look. "You doubt my bravery," he said, a hint of amusment, yet annoyance. “I just said I never tried it, not that I wouldn’t.” he said, smiling at Alex, showing Alex that the tone in his voice was nothing to worry about.

“The rest of the and is at a hotel tonight, so not like we’ll be bothered,” he said, taking the last hit from his cigarette, and throwing it down beside Alex's. He stood up, and motioned for Alex to follow him into the caravan. Alex followed him, Aidan closed the door behind.

“Make yourself at home,” he said, in a bit of a joking manner. Alex followed Aidan over to the couch, sitting beside him. The couch was kind of small, so Alex was close to Aidan, he smiled. "So which you wanna do first?" he asked him, looking over to him, a light smile on his face.

He personally wanted to get right to the glass. He was still a little buzzed from what he had snorted before he found Aidan. He looked down to the floor. "I wanna do the glass first if you dont mind... you dont have too though..." Alex said, taking it out of his pocket and making 3 straight lines on the table in front of them. "You want any?" he asked looking at Aidan.

[aidan cooper]

Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness
___________

There was something about Alex that Aidan was just drawn to. He had a hard time connecting to people in any sort of manner. He hadn’t grown up in the best of ways. He was always an oddball, mostly forgotten or ignored at school, or beaten up. For most of his early life he had no one, not even at home. It was only him and his mother at home and she wasn’t much of a motherly figure anyway. She was distant and cared little for him, preferring to fuck her boyfriends in the next room, conning them to pay a month on the rent or something. When Aidan made his first attempt at suicide he hadn’t cut deep enough. He woke up hours later, blood dried or congealing on his arms. His mother hadn’t noticed. He cleaned up, continued on with his life.

Alex was an interesting sort, lacked a lot of things that held normal people back. He did what he wanted, as was evident by the drugs, and Aidan sort of liked that. He loved control but he did what he wanted to as well, be damned the consequences. Not like he planned living that long anyway. He wanted to have fun in the meantime. Hanging out with Alex, getting high on meth, that sounded like quite a bit of fun and he smiled in spite of himself. He was not a big smile, Aidan, but Alex drew it out of him effortlessly. Alex was good at that.

“That’s fine,” he said in response to Alex requesting he do the glass first because honestly Aidan didn’t mind. He got high off pot all the time, glass was something new to him so he’d prefer to do that first anyway. Alex offered him some. “Sure, But you have to walk me through this, okay… because I haven’t done glass before and I don’t want to fuck it up and waste anything.” Honestly he hadn’t snorted anything before, though he understood well enough vaguely how it was supposed to work. He had just never tried it before. Not to mention that Alex walking him through it… well it had the added benefit of Alex paying attention to him, helping him, connecting with him and Aidan kind of needed that.

[alex midnight]

]
-------------------

Ever since Alex was little, he was used to being alone. His father never around, his mother not caring for him as a mother should. She acted as if he wasnt there, and when she did notcie he was there the only thing she ever did was yell at him for something. As soon as he was able to take care of himself, maybe at the age of 14 he was rarely home, or around his mom. He tried to stay out of the house, and away from the bitch. He wanted nothing to do with her, as she also wanted nothing to do with him. She saw him as a freak, for being Bisexual. He got into drugs, and suicidal stuff all because of her, and he was glad to for once have someone that actually seemed that they cared for him, and that was Aidan.

Aidan was interesting, he was little different, like Alex. But that was something he really liked about this Aidan, he was like Alex. Which made it even better and easier for them to get along. Alex had began to get hooked to Aidan, just something about him drew Alex in, made him feel comfortable when he was around. He really was nice, and Alex hoped he would be able to gain his trust.

“That’s fine,” Aidan siad, in responce to Alex saying he wanted glass more than anything right now. “Sure, But you have to walk me through this, okay… because I haven’t done glass before and I don’t want to fuck it up and waste anything.” he said to Alex. As he said this Alex made 3 more lines of it on the table. Alex looked over to him, "Its really not that hard... all you have to do is snort it up your nose, like this...." Alex said, leaning down and snorting the 3 lines from the table into his nose. After he was done he wipped his nose, to get the access powder off. He looked over to Aidan, "Now you try..." he said, smiling.

[aidan cooper]

Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness
___________

There was absolutely a bit of himself he saw in Alex, similarities that were subtle due to all the secrecy, but they were there. Maybe it was something in the boy’s eyes, some emptiness, some pain, something that indicated that perhaps he had grown up like Aidan, hurt and pained and punished for something he didn’t do. Maybe that’s why Aidan was drawn so strongly to him, protect the boy form his fate, his depression and suicidal tendencies and self destructive behavior. Of course more then likely the boy was beyond saving from that, much like Aidan was far beyond saving. But there was still that similarity that sort of pulled Aidan to Alex and he wondered vaguely if Alex had that feeling too.

He could care for this boy, honestly he could. It would be so easy to draw the boy into his arms, tell him that he could fix Alex’s worries (even if he couldn’t) and that the world sucked but they would be okay, if only for a moment, if only for a while. The kid was sitting right next to him, he could do it right then. But of course he couldn’t… not really and truly because then he would have to trust the boy. More then that he would have to give the boy reason and purpose to trust him. And Aidan was perhaps more worried of Alex counting on him then the other way around because if he fucked up, and he was bound to, then it would be his fault for Alex’s suffering. And he’d rather not be responsible.

He watched Aidan closely, setting up three more likes of glass and snorting them, listening to Alex’s assuring words. Alex smiled as the boy cleaned his nose of the excess powder. Aidan took the straw form the other boy and kneeled down by the table. He made a mental note to clean the table later so neither he nor the band got in trouble. Though drugs were part of the sex drugs and rock and roll thing, they were expected but still illegal and Aidan would rather not get in trouble. But he’d take care of that later. There was very little hesitation as he copied Alex and snorted the lines. It was quite the experience and Aidan shook his head as he wiped his nose, to clear it or something for the high to come. He breathed deeply. “How long does it take,” he asked, leaning back against the couch with a sort of happy sigh.

[alex midnight]

]
-------------------

Alex was already starting to feel the side affects of the glass. As he did he knew that he had to try and keep himself calm, because he knew that he could a little too out of control, and flirty. And he didnt really want to get all over Aidan, because that would make Aidan probably loose trust in him.

Alex looked over to Aidan, smiling. “How long does it take,” he asked Alex, leaning back against the couch sighing. Alex looked down at the floor, he really didnt know how long it took, not too long for him, but would it take longer of Aidan? He thought to himself. It probably would, considering that he had never done this before.

He looked over to Aidan, "I guess it depends, i never really pay attention to how long it takes...sorry..." he said, looking inot Aidans eyes. So badly he wanted to make a move, he inched a little closer to him, but not far enough for him to notice. "So what do you wanna do?" he asked lightly laughing. He was starting to get a little giggly and hyper. He smiled at Aidan.

[aidan cooper]

Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness
___________

Aidan watched Alex closely, mostly because he was well aware that dugs had different side effects for different people, sometimes not to radically different, sometime very radically different. He didn’t know how the meth was going to affect him. He knew his heart was going to race a bit, his breathing would probably quicken and he’d had side affects that went along with both of those things. Still it would help to know how Alex would react because then Aidan could, well put up the proper defenses. There was something in him that didn’t want to bother with that, a part of him that wanted to pull Alex up on the couch with him and hug him or something. He didn’t know if that was the drugs getting to his brain or not.

He noticed that already Aidan was getting a little… weird. Not in a bad way, just hyper and there was a look in his eye that Aidan wasn’t entirely comfortable with. It was like a more innocent, water downed version of the look random guys in clubs fixed him with before they came up to him and suggested they go to the back alley or something. Aidan tended to vacant the premises when this happened, or hit someone. But with Alex it was different and though he figured that soon things would change very rapidly he would try not to let anything happen. Nothing bad at least.

He was starting to feel the high as well, making his heart beat a little faster and giving him a happy sort of feeling, making him want to… do something, smile like crazy. Well he smiled, that was easy enough and looked at Alex and kind of wanted to… just touch him. He kept his hands to himself though. Well that answered the ‘how long does it take’ question. He fidgeted lightly on his seat, drawing his legs up, looking at Alex with this amused sort of grin. He shrugged, a large, lopsided kind of gesture, and chuckled light for no other reason then it seemed funny.

“I dunno,” he said lightly. He furrowed his brows, thinking about it. “Come here,” he insisted, patting the spot next to him on the couch, not wanting Alex to be sitting on the floor anymore. He was smiling again, a goofy kind of smile as the drugs took over his brain. This was a nice feeling, he decided. Thank god for Alex.