I Give My Soul To Keep x Katherine

[milo martin]

_____

Milo had heard about it, but he kept trying to tell himself it wasn't true. He had asked around, even asking people he would normally never talk to, to find out the right information.

Katherine had quit Sighted South, and was leaving the tour.

The news hit Milo like a steel sledgehammer to the gut. This couldn’t be happening. She was leaving? Since when?! And, more importantly, why? Did she know he had been contemplating his own leave of absence ever since the throw down?

The pain that had been building in Milo’s chest ever since the fight with Ronnie, suddenly became a blazing fire that spread throughout his entire body, setting every organ aflame. The thought of never seeing Katherine ever again tore his world apart. He had to find her; he had to see her just one last time. She couldn’t just leave. Milo panicked, and threw a plan into action.

Without telling anyone where he was going, and getting one last bit of information via a Sighted South technician, Milo strapped his guitar to his back and headed towards the airport on a bus. He didn’t care what he had to do, he was going to find Katherine and get her to listen. He couldn’t go on without her anymore – if he had to, he would buy a ticket to follow her back to Las Vegas…if that’s where she was headed. It didn’t matter. Even if Katherine was destined for Malaysia, Milo would follow her. As soon as he laid eyes on her a year ago, he knew he wanted to follow her everywhere and anywhere.

At the airport, Milo kept his eyes peeled. There was only so far that he could go without having a boarding pass in hand, so all he could do was hope that she hadn’t gotten that far ahead of him.

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[katherine rivera]

Wash my hands of crime, rid my heart of lust ~ Ashes to ashes, Dust to dust - pretty baby, it's Vegas or bust.

The song lyrics echoed in her mind, and played from the cab's radio speakers as it drove to her destination of the airport, where a plane awaited to take her back to familiar grounds, to end all of the chaos that was caused. The cab driver tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, bobbing his head to the song, looking in his rearview at Katherine every once in awhile.

Katherine was oblivious, as her minds was elsewhere and her attention was glued outside of the window. She watched as cars passed her by and buildings seemed to dance with each other in the raindrops, a few streaks of lightening added to the intensity. It had been stormy for awhile, Katherine had noticed... not that she minded. The rain kept her sane and pulled together, as it replenished the Earth around her; a nostalgic viewpoint, hell - anything to keep her Vegas-bound.

Leaving the caravan was bittersweet - she got up early, so that way she wouldn't make a fuss when leaving with her bandmates. And yes - she and Chill had returned to the caravan for a few days, once the truth was revealed; that Ronnie had left the band. Where did he go? No one knew - Katherine was relieved, but felt feelings of guilt. She hoped he didn't do anything rash, wherever he went - but, the fact stood that if he still remained, she wouldn't have been able to return to that caravan. Ever.

Packing most of her belongings, leaving a few behind, and writing a note to each of her mates, she was ready to go. She straightened her hair, throwing a beanie cap over top it and put on a Despairs' hoodie, a pair of black hiphuggers, and her Kitsons and headed for the door.

The night before, she had taken Chill to the airport for them to hold until today, when they would be reunited.

She smiled lightly, the thought of her beloved husky giving her something to be looking forward to.

" You sure are contemplative, dame." Katherine rose her brow, looking up to see the driver's eyes on her. " You running from something? " Katherine winced a bit, looking down, then back up to the driver. "'S a bit fucked up ... I'm running... from myself..." "I've heard far more complicated, honey - you look worn, though - you in love?" "I don't know... I am afraid to keep falling into it... but yeah, I'm pretty deep in it." "'S easy to see on your face - all contemplative and that... I wish you luck, wherever your going... I also wish whomever your in love with luck... Katherine stopped a minute, her lips pursing, realizing that they had reached her destination. "Thanks... I... I wish him luck, too..." She paid the man, and got her bags from the backseat and the trunk, heading into the airport. As she tried to hurry a bit, to get in from the rain, her mind began to bring up Milo. She winced and bit her lip. Random scenes - good and bad - of their times together, flashed in her mind. She cursed herself for doing this now; remembering right before she boarded a flight. "Stop it, Katherine... just... stop it., she scolded herself.

Take you in, Spit you out ~ Sin City has the luck of the doubt.
No matter how much you wanna trust, hey baby - it's Vegas or bust.

When she got in, she was drizzled with the humid rain that dripped from the sky; save, that it was mainly her hoodie that was wet. She kept the hood of it up and sighed, finding a chair to set her things by, looking for a open place where she could claim her pass and such. She sat down in one of the chair in an empty row, looking through her purse for her tickets, and the info as to where she could check in on Chill.

[milo martin]

She was there.

Milo couldn’t believe his eyes. She was there, sitting right there, by the ticket counters, rifling through her bag. It was if she was waiting for him.

Stupid asshole, of course she’s not. You haven’t even spoken to her in almost two months.

But still, the mere sight of her was enough to take his breath away. She looked elegantly harried, in a pair of jeans and a hoodie, her dark hair mussed about her face, and a few tresses escaping the confines of her hood. He wanted to run up to her, gather her up into his arms, kiss her, apologize and make everything right again, but his feet wouldn’t move. He remained standing there, gazing at her, like a statue.

Numerous scenarios ran through his mind as to how this could play out. Would she be mad that he followed her here, or would she be, dare he say it, happy? Would she be furious and refuse to speak to him? Then what? Milo was almost terrified to find out. What point would there be in living if he didn’t have Katherine in his life? His life had already become a downward spiral ever since the fight. Should he even touch upon the fact that if leaving the band wasn’t an option, he was contemplating suicide? It seemed like a viable option. Everything was shit right now – his love life, completely decimated; his relationship with his band mates, in the shambles; his addiction to alcohol, getting worse by the day. He felt completely out of control. The only staple in his life right now, his mount and his rock, was Katherine. Without her, he was nothing.

What could he say? What was there to say? A thousand and one thoughts swam about in his head as he tried to get his tongue to cooperate with his brain, which seemed to be having trouble sending messages to his feet.

Gathering up all his nerve, and adjusting the guitar in its gig bag on his back, Milo took a deep breath. When he was about two feet away from her, he spoke her name: “Katherine.”

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[katherine rivera]

Rummaging through her purse, trifling through god knows what all it contained, she had still not managed to find the info for how to get to Chill. As for her tickets, she had finally found them in a hidden compartment. She sighed in relief, rubbing her temple, relieving herself of the minor stressor. She was sure if she couldn't find Chill's info, that she could just ask a receptionist of some sort, or -

“Katherine.”

Katherine froze - her hands, her heart - everything just seemed to freeze. Her eyes widened, still staring down into her purse. She lifted her eyes from her purse, to see someone standing before her; at least two feet between them. She knew that voice; God, she knew it, but it couldn't be...

She swallowed hard, slowly bringing her head up to lay eyes upon the body before her; as if, to prove it was her mind playing games with her. Au contrare - peeking from underneath her hood, she laid eyes upon none other than Milo Martin, the boy to whom that voice did belong to. She hadn't seen him in over two months, and here he was, when she was at her most vulnerable. She noticed he looked nervous; he looked as if he may have been sick, or lost sleep.

Unfreezing without warning, hands jumbled, Katherine's bag went flying to the floor, her things going everywhere. She snapped out of her daze, gasping a bit and looking to the mess on the floor. "Damn it...", she said to herself, getting down on her knees from her seat in the chair and picking things up, trying to get the tickets out of sight before he could see them.

Once most of the mess was picked up, she closed her eyes and bit her lip, reopening them. "I'm... leaving.", she said, taking in a deep breath. "I..."

She paused a moment, looking at him, taking him in one last time. The look on his face would've made anyone melt. She didn't know if she could handle it any longer. She had to go if she really planned on leaving. "...I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you... R-Ronnie left, so... you'll be fine... I..."

She was at a loss for words.

[milo martin]

Milo had clearly startled her, as he watched her knock her bag to the floor and immediately getting onto the floor to gather up her belongings. Milo quickly dove in to help her out.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I didn’t mean to…to startle you.” He helped her gather everything, putting things into her bag, not really looking at anything but her face, studying her. Her hands moved quickly, as if to hide something.

After the mess was cleaned, she bit her lip before speaking. “I’m leaving.”

“No,” was all he could say, his voice getting caught in his throat and coming out like a hoarse whisper, but she rambled on,

"...I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you... R-Ronnie left, so... you'll be fine... I..."

“Please don’t go,” Milo begged. “Please. You’re not causing anything, except…me to fall hopelessly in love with you.” He grabbed her hand, letting words just tumble out of his mouth, not thinking about the order they were coming out or even if they were making sense.

“I don’t give a shit about Ronnie. Even if he was still around, I would have found a way for us. Kat, I love you so much. If you leave, I’ll have to kill myself, because life…life isn’t worth it without you. Please don’t leave me. I…I want you back, and I’m so fucking sorry, so fucking sorry for everything I said. I was just so mad, so mad at that stupid fuck Ronnie, and I wanted to hurt him and I ended up hurting you instead. I’m nothing without you. Please take me back.”

[/blockquote]

[katherine rivera]

Reflecting on his words within her mind, Milo really didn't startle Katherine at all; or, at least, if he did, it wasn't in a bad way... or was it? Right when she was set out to leave; to leave it all behind and let things carry on without her, and perhaps, improve for the better... or for the worse. God - it didn't matter, as long as she was out of the picture and she didn't add onto anyone else's drama. She already felt as if she were playing out her own complementary role in a soap opera, or something of the like.

When she announced that she was leaving, she heard his almost-silent protest which caught within his throat; hence, she kept talking, knowing that if she didn't, he would surely have spoken up more. She needed to maintain face and keep her goals in mind; this seemed to be the best thing to do, as fucked up as it seemed.

“Please don’t go,” --- “Please. You’re not causing anything, except…me to fall hopelessly in love with you.” Her idea was in vain, as he took the opprotunity and spoke up, anyway. He was literally begging her; he even took a hold of her hand, suprising her a bit. His voice stabbed at her heart, literally picking away at the faked layer of temporary ice that surrounded it. Katherine looked to the ground, her hood hiding her face, taking in his words. She didn't know what to say; God knew that she couldn't protest or simply leave him there - she didn't have that strength within her.

Then, more words began to spill out from his mouth, almost at a speed that couldn't be possible. “I don’t give a shit about Ronnie. Even if he was still around, I would have found a way for us. Kat, I love you so much. If you leave, I’ll have to kill myself, because life…life isn’t worth it without you. Please don’t leave me. I…I want you back, and I’m so fucking sorry, so fucking sorry for everything I said. I was just so mad, so mad at that stupid fuck Ronnie, and I wanted to hurt him and I ended up hurting you instead. I’m nothing without you. Please take me back.”

Every word took another stab at the temporary ice, chipping away its layers one by one. Katherine was divided; on one hand, she wanted to drop the tickets and drop everything possible and simply engulf Milo with the last miniscule of love she had; on the other, she was still set on leaving, although she heard him mention actually killing himself if she did so. She closed her eyes and winced, hard, as she tried to calm down as her stomach tied itself in knots within her.

"...But, if I leave, things will be much easier. Think about it - none of this would have happened if you would have just stayed away from me... you wouldn't have been in a fight... the media would quit hounding our bands, and us personally, about sex and all of that shit... it would do us, especially you, a world of good..." As she spoke, she kept her eyes closed, her face still facing the ground and hidden beneath her hood. "I'm not worth killing yourself over, Milo - I mean, you've loved before, right? And, here, you are - alive and breathing."

Her eyes began to feel heavy as tears built up within them; she kept her head down, still. She lightly squeezed his hand, that held hers within it. "God, Milo - for these last two months, between being under caravan arrest with Ronnie, then escaping and living out of hotels and planning out what to do in my mind - I have always thought about you. How you were, where you were and if you'd run into Ronnie again, if you thought of me like I thought of you... I wanted to go find you, to see you... but I was afraid." She clutched the tickets within the palm of her free hand.

"Over these two months, I was divided - half of me; trained to forget for the better and to seek refuge away from here... the other half; sick from not seeing your face, hearing your voice, feeling your touch... I've battled with myself, and still, I come up with the same resolution: I am in love with you, and falling deeper every day; every minute, yet things will be better for the both of us if I just left...."

She stopped speaking, and squeezed the tickets within her free palm, tears secretly flowing from her eyes, which were still hidden. "fuck... I've said too much..."

[milo martin]

“No, no, no…Kat, please…” If Milo hadn’t already been on the floor, he would have been kneeling in front of her, begging. She couldn’t leave him; she couldn’t tear his world apart like this. It wasn’t fair. He gripped her hand within his.

“Things won’t be easier,” he insisted. “Things will only get worse. At least, for me they will. Kat, it doesn’t matter how many times I’ve loved before—and what the hell does that matter? I love you. I love you. I love you so much that…that it hurts.” He pressed her hand to his cheek. She felt a little cold – or was it his cheek that was cold? He couldn’t tell.

“I’m telling you right now. If you get on that plane and go wherever you’re going, I might just have to follow you, or else…I can’t live. To be without you is like denying air to my lungs. Without you, I’ll shrivel up and die. You’re…I’ve never felt like this about anyone, ever. I love you. How many times can I say it?” He was on the verge of tears now, his voice was breaking. “These past few months have been hell. I’ve done some pretty messed up things, things I’d rather forget. The whole time, I pined for you. I longed for your touch, your kiss, your scent. I watched you play from the farthest point in the crowd where no one could see me, and I just…I died a little inside, to know that I couldn’t go up to you after your set and sweep you up into my arms and kiss you and tell you how proud I was of you…” He kissed her hand, and then turned her hand over and kissed her palm. “I wrote you a song. Another one, I guess. I…I had to find you and…and let you know this. You need to hear it before you leave. It’s my last chance.”

[katherine rivera]

“No, no, no…Kat, please…” This wasn't going to be easy, as planned. Katherine pictured leaving soundly, and leaving the festival behind, where Milo could flourish within his band and not have her there as a distraction, and perhaps, he could make something more of his career, seeing as if Scheduled took home the gold. He gripped onto her hand as he began to speak again. Yes, she was wrong; he wasn't about to let her leave this airport anytime soon.

“Things won’t be easier,” --- “Things will only get worse. At least, for me they will. Kat, it doesn’t matter how many times I’ve loved before—and what the hell does that matter? I love you. I love you. I love you so much that…that it hurts.” Her hand was pressed against his cheek, as she could feel the soft, cold flesh against her own skin. “I’m telling you right now. If you get on that plane and go wherever you’re going, I might just have to follow you, or else…I can’t live. To be without you is like denying air to my lungs. Without you, I’ll shrivel up and die. You’re…I’ve never felt like this about anyone, ever. I love you. How many times can I say it?”

"You are the first person that I have ever loved; the first person I have ever allowed myself to be given to... clearly, I have never felt this way before, either - and of couse, it's mindblowing, but it's also scary. I want to make you happy, and keep myself happy, then on top of that, we have to keep our duties to our bands, and - fuck, it's just too much at the moment, and when I ran away, I was sure that you had forgotten about me, y'know? Like - it wouldn't be that hard... but... apparently, I was wrong." Katherine blinked a few tears from her eyes as she still kept her sights set upon the floor and her face hidden beneath her hood. "Hearing the way you describe me as what's keeping you alive gives me something to live up to, and it makes me want to keep check on myself that I am doing what's right and what pleases you most - and, it scares me that one day, you might deprive me of that title... and, maybe decide to move on... I just don't want to disappoint you... although I think I already have, on top of that, disappointed myself..."

“These past few months have been hell. I’ve done some pretty messed up things, things I’d rather forget. The whole time, I pined for you. I longed for your touch, your kiss, your scent. I watched you play from the farthest point in the crowd where no one could see me, and I just…I died a little inside, to know that I couldn’t go up to you after your set and sweep you up into my arms and kiss you and tell you how proud I was of you…” His voice broke as he spoke, showing signs that he was on the verge of tears. Katherine was sheerly lucky that she could hide the fact that she was crying, as her voice maintained its tone. She was relieved, or perhaps suprised, when she heard that he thought of her, too - even, came to see her. She shook her head from beneath her hood; this boy was too good to her. Way too good.

Milo then kissed her hand, then turning it over to let his lips touch her palm. Katherine's skin tingled when his lips made contact with it; this was what it had missed. “I wrote you a song. Another one, I guess. I…I had to find you and…and let you know this. You need to hear it before you leave. It’s my last chance.”

Katherine opened her eyes, widening them a bit, as she took in his words. Another song - this was the second he had dedicated to her. She felt like an ass; guilt pouring down thicker by the minute. "...okay then... last chance.", she whispered, bringing her head up, facing Milo, but not looking him in the eye. The song about Vegas from the cab echoed in her head.

[milo martin]

“I could never forget about you, Kat. Never,” Milo replied. “If you don’t like what you hear, then…then you have my permission to…to get on that plane and go wherever you want. And I’ll try to forget. But no matter what, you’ll always be the one for me. I’ll never love anyone else the way I love you.” He kissed her cheek and then pulled away so that he could shrug off his guitar and take it from its gig bag.

“I wrote this shortly after…well, after that night we spent together,” Milo said softly. “It was one of the most amazing nights of my life; and I had to express it somehow. I’ve been holding onto it, waiting for the right time to play it for you. I think…this is as good as any.”

He played the opening chords, a steady sound, keeping it constant through the whole song, making it stronger at certain points. His voice rang out clear, despite the pain that it was dipped in.

“There was a time
I had nothing to give
I needed shelter from the storm I was in
And when it all got too heavy
You carried my weight
And I want to hold you
And I want to say

That you are all that I need
For you, I give my soul to keep
You see me, love me
Just the way I am
For you I am a better man
I said you are the reason
For everything that I do
I'd be lost, so lost, without you
Oh, oh…

Under the stars
At the edge of the sea
There's no one around
No one but you and me
We'd talk for hours
As time drifts away
I could stay here for ever
And hold you this way

‘Cause you are all that I need
For you, I give my soul to keep
You see me, love me
Just the way I am
For you I am a better man
I said you are the reason
For everything that I do
I'd be lost, so lost, without you
No, no, no
I’d be lost, so lost, without you.”

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[katherine rivera]

“If you don’t like what you hear, then…then you have my permission to…to get on that plane and go wherever you want. And I’ll try to forget. But no matter what, you’ll always be the one for me. I’ll never love anyone else the way I love you.”Milo kissed her cheek, as if to truly end his words, and pulled away to retrieve his guitar. “I wrote this shortly after…well, after that night we spent together,” --- “It was one of the most amazing nights of my life; and I had to express it somehow. I’ve been holding onto it, waiting for the right time to play it for you. I think…this is as good as any.” Katherine adjusted her hood over her head once more as she listened to Milo's words. Upon hearing his inspiration for the song, her heart fluttered, going back to that night; the night that she dreamt of these past two months, over and over again. Damn, he was amazing - if only he knew how much of a God he was to her.

With that, he began to strum his guitar and let his voice ring clear, conveying the message within the song he wrote. Katherine listened to the melody, and the words; and his voice, combine to make a bittersweet concoction on the irony of this song conveying how much she meant to him, and now, she was leaving. Every word rang true, and his voice made each syllable more addicting to listen to. It took awhile for Katherine to react at first as he had finished his song, because she was so caught up in it, that she could've sworn there was more to be heard.

Realizing her late timing, she blinked a few times, her jaw tensing a bit, then releasing. She then looked down to her hand, in which she hid the plane tickets within her palm. She looked from it, to Milo. Katherine grabbed her purse and got up off of her knees and headed toward the nearest receptionist to her seating choice. She had made a final decision, and it was now or never to make it.

~five minutes later

Katherine returned back to the place where Milo had found her, and where she had left him to converse with the receptionist briefly. He had gotten up from the ground, a look of doubt on his face; maybe even defeat, and was getting ready to put his guitar back into its gig bag. Katherine stopped a couple feet before him, slowly looking up to meet with his gaze. God, she hadn't looked into those eyes in forever...

As always when nervous, she bit her lip once more, as her eyes slowly began to water again. He began to turn and walk away from her. She watched him walk away, her chest heaving harder as he got farther away. Once she could stand the distance growing no more, she dropped her purse on the ground by her luggage and went running after him.

"Milo!", she called out, letting her voice break freely, not caring if tears fell anymore. Once she came within close contact with him, she ran up to him and embraced him, sending them both sailing to the ground. She buried her face within his chest and cried, her chest heaving from her uneven breathing. "It was... amazing."

She couldn't do it - not now, and not ever. Katherine had traded her tickets in and got her money back when she went to the receptionist. After such separation, and such a reunion, there was no way she could leave. "I'm sorry...", she muttered into his chest, trying to even her breathing patterns.

Flight 104 to Las Vegas - departure in progress.

~ Take it as it comes baby, take it as it comes - take a chance on lust or take a chance on love, whatever comes your way - it's Vegas or bust.

[milo martin]

Playing that song for her was the hardest thing he had ever done. Writing it had been easy – he was on cloud nine, floating high above the earth, in this magical little bubble. Being in love was never this refreshing. He had never had anything so pure in his entire life and it made him feel, well, as the song conveyed, like a better man. But now that she was right in front of him, her eyes as round as 45’s and her perfect rosebud mouth slightly parted, her hood pulled up over her head, he could barely bring himself to sing.

He kept stealing glances at her as he did, careful to never let his fingers slip on the steely strings of his guitar – one slip up could mean death; she could pick any second to get up and walk away, and she’d be gone forever.

If she leaves, I’m going back to the caravan and slitting my wrists, he thought, very seriously, as he played the chords that connected the chorus to the second verse. Life is nothing without her.

When he was done, he let his hands drop from the guitar. His breath was uneven, and his palms were sweaty. He felt slightly dizzy. He looked her straight into her eyes and silently prayed for her to speak, to make a gesture – anything that could reassure him that this was not the end.

Instead, without another word, she glanced at him, then to her hand. She gathered her bag and walked away.

Milo could actually feel his heart breaking. It was by far the most intense pain he had ever felt in his entire life. He could barely get off the floor, feeling lightheaded and ill.

Good-bye cruel world, he thought, putting his guitar back into its gig bag. It’s been a great run. I wonder if there’s Guitar Hero in Heaven. Maybe I’ll hang out with John Lennon when I get up there. I’ve always wanted to meet Marlon Brando. That is, if suicides don’t automatically get sent down below.

He zipped his gig bag closed and started to walk away, trying to decide if pills was a better choice over a razorblade.

…But then—it was miraculous, he decided later, like some sort of divine intervention—he heard his name.

“Milo!”

He turned, quite slowly, as did a few curious passersby in the airport, obviously wondering what was taking place. It was her. It was like a dream sequence from a movie. She was running towards him. Milo felt that feeling in his chest suddenly tighten – there was no more pain. Only overwhelming love.

She leapt into his arms, knocking them both to the ground. Milo dropped the guitar in its gig bag, and it made a hollow thud as it hit the tile. He only thought for a fleeting second about whether or not it was damaged, but right now, his mind was only on Katherine, how she was holding him tightly, her heart beating against his. He was sure people were staring at them now, but he didn’t care. Let them stare.

She was crying now, and he was holding her tightly. He had come so close to losing her, and now she was back – he wondered if he could keep from crying.

“It’s okay,” he replied when she apologized. “…I’m…I’m glad you liked the song.” How lame that sounded. But it was the only thing he could think of to say.

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[katherine rivera]

“It’s okay,” --- “…I’m…I’m glad you liked the song.” Katherine, her face still buried into his chest, shook her head slightly, letting a shaky sigh escape. "It's not okay - the hell we've been through - the hell you've been through - it's not okay..." She paused, sniffling a bit. "I didn't like it... I loved it... I love you; and I find myself loving you more as the seconds of everyday pass by."

Katherine took in his scent as she let her face come up from his chest, her hood still intact with her head. She looked into his eyes, like she used to, and hadn't been able to do in a long time; it was a privlege she had been deprived of for too long. She bit her lip as she found herself falling into those eyes of his once more, trying to re-read the chapters of his life and find the new ones she had never seen. It was nearly impossible, but from what she could see, he was happy, but had been through hell.

"It's not okay... because I have been afraid... afraid to... to truly love you, and... afraid to let down these guards... and I... I want to change all that from now on." Katherine then let her hands move up to cup his face as she talked to him. "You've shown me so much love and compassion... more than any girl could fathom, and you have clearly proved more than enough that you must love me. Well, it's my turn - to show you that I love you; to prove myself... I have no purpose on this Earth, really, but you - you give my life meaning, my heart a beat... God, you don't know how much you've given me... and I'm sorry that I haven't returned that to you. That's why - it's not okay."

She stopped speaking, tears still running rapidly. They were tears of happiness, laced with sadness. She was sad because, after these two months, and just now, she realized that she owed this boy - big time. In fact, she had been owing him for a long time. So, she would repay her debt to him.

Katherine brought her face close to Milo's; her hands still cupping his face. "You beautiful boy... I can't believe you actually want me here...", she said, lightly brushing her lips against his cheek. His skin was chilled, but soft, as she remembered it, against her lips. She wanted to feel the touch of her lips against his, but she wasn't sure if he would let her, and if it was the right time.

[milo martin]

Milo didn't know exactly how long they were sitting on the floor together, limbs entwined, but it didn't matter at all of course. After being separated for two months, all he wanted to do was hold her and nuzzle her porcelain skin, smell her green scent, taste her lips. He was so happy, so genuinely happy, to have her back. His life was now worth living. It was like a weight had been lifted, chains had been sawed away, curtains had been pulled back to reveal a bright, sunny new day. All because Katherine was in his arms again.

He took comfort in the familiar way she fit so well into his arms, like a puzzle piece. It was if she was made for him. He nestled his face in the fabric of her hood, since it was still pulled up over her hair, as she had her face buried in his chest.

. "It's not okay - the hell we've been through - the hell you've been through - it's not okay. I didn't like it... I loved it... I love you; and I find myself loving you more as the seconds of everyday pass by."

Her confession made Milo’s heart dance for joy. She loved him. It had been so long since he had heard those words from anyone, with so much sincerity. “I’m…I’m glad you loved it then. I wrote it for you…you’re the only one who’s ever going to hear it. I love you, too,” he sighed blissfully. “You’re worth it, Kat; you’re worth every second of hell. I would do it all again for you.”

Katherine cupped his face in her soft, delicate hands and continued to speak, "It's not okay... because I have been afraid... afraid to... to truly love you, and... afraid to let down these guards... and I... I want to change all that from now on. You've shown me so much love and compassion... more than any girl could fathom, and you have clearly proved more than enough that you must love me. Well, it's my turn - to show you that I love you; to prove myself... I have no purpose on this Earth, really, but you - you give my life meaning, my heart a beat... God, you don't know how much you've given me... and I'm sorry that I haven't returned that to you. That's why - it's not okay."

“Don’t say that. Don’t say that you have no purpose, please,” he said breathlessly, gently grasping her wrists. “Please, please, please don’t say that. You have a purpose. Your purpose is to be a beautiful, compassionate, breathtaking creature that has an amazing, incredible affect on people.” He pushed back her hood so that he could get a better look at her face. “And if anything, you give my life meaning, my heart a beat. You weren’t the one nearly drinking themselves to death every night, or seriously considered suicide…Kat, if anything, you saved my life.” He cupped her face too, wanting badly to kiss her. He stroked her cheek with the pad of his thumb. She brought her face close to his.

"You beautiful boy... I can't believe you actually want me here..." She nuzzled his cheek, her skin so soft and warm against his. Milo gave a contented sigh and smiled a bit. This moment was almost perfect—almost.

“…I hate to ruin the moment, but do you mind if we sit up? My back kind of hurts,” he said sheepishly.

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[katherine rivera]

“…I hate to ruin the moment, but do you mind if we sit up? My back kind of hurts,” Katherine brought her face away from his and shook her head, a light smile appearing. "No, no - 'course not.", she said, getting up from him and fully standing upon her feet once more. "'Sorta my fault anyway - I, uh, ran into you, but, - sorry about your back - it was worth it..."

Katherine adjusted her beanie upon her head, with her hood now down from where Milo had taken it so, and reflected upon his words.“I’m…I’m glad you loved it then. I wrote it for you…you’re the only one who’s ever going to hear it. I love you, too,” --- “You’re worth it, Kat; you’re worth every second of hell. I would do it all again for you.” --- “Don’t say that. Don’t say that you have no purpose, please,” --- “Please, please, please don’t say that. You have a purpose. Your purpose is to be a beautiful, compassionate, breathtaking creature that has an amazing, incredible affect on people.” --- “And if anything, you give my life meaning, my heart a beat. You weren’t the one nearly drinking themselves to death every night, or seriously considered suicide…Kat, if anything, you saved my life.”

God, she could tell something was wrong; drinking and... suicide was what was wrong. It troubled her, to think this beautiful soul would extinguish itself for the likes of her... if she left him; the exact thing she figured would do them both good. She saved his life... she did, didn't she? If she would have left... what would he have done?

Her mind baffled at the thought, and hoped the day would never come, when he considered such a feat.

"You were going to... kill yourself?" She spoke in a low whisper, her eyes wide with disbelief. Suprised it was not sore, she bit her lip again, looking to the ground. "What happened within these two months? You look like you haven't slept in ages, and - God, you can't say this isn't my fault."

She closed the space between them once more once he had stood up and looked into his eyes again. "Rest assured... I won't leave you again - I swear to God, or whoever's in charge of this fucked-up planet... and I will fix this. I want to make up for the pain I've caused you, and make you feel better in any way I can... just say the word."

[milo martin]

“It’s okay,” Milo said with a small smile. “Agreed, it was worth it.” He dusted off his jeans and picked up his guitar, slinging it in its bag over his shoulder. “I’m sure we gave everyone quite a show.” He took her hands into his, lacing their fingers together. “My back is fine; I just kind of went down hard.”

"You were going to... kill yourself?" Katherine whispered. Milo winced. Why did he mention that? He could kick himself. The last thing he wanted to do was worry her. "What happened within these two months? You look like you haven't slept in ages, and - God, you can't say this isn't my fault."

“It’s not,” Milo said quickly. “Kat, this isn’t your fault. This is me. This is all me, being a complete asshole, and being childish.” He stroked her cheek gently, then ran his fingers through her hair once. “It’s a stupid habit I have. Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve tried to solve all my problems with alcohol. It usually made me feel better. But after you left…I started drinking, and no matter how much I drank, I just didn’t feel any better. So I kept going. I guess…I guess my ultimate goal, was, I’m sorry to say, to drink myself to death. Because my life wasn’t worth living if you weren’t in it.”

"Rest assured... I won't leave you again - I swear to God, or whoever's in charge of this fucked-up planet... and I will fix this. I want to make up for the pain I've caused you, and make you feel better in any way I can... just say the word."

“You don’t need to make up anything,” Milo insisted. “You don’t have to do a damn thing. You don’t have to fix anything. You being here, is fixing it. This is it. This is all I need.” He leaned in and kissed her, soft and gentle, but quick. As soon as he pulled away, he went back in again for another. He dipped her back, this kiss deeper, better conveying the longing he felt, the passion that had been lacking for so long.

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